April 2008

Some people start their days of with a big cup of coffee and a bowl of Wheaties. Me? I like to go the porn, poop and cigarette route. I know, I know. Classy, right? It’s the best hangover cure, though.

Anyway, so while perusing for free teen porn on the ‘net, I came across this little gem. It’s got lesbians and strap-ons and anal (oh my!). While I’m not exactly sure what the blonde is moaning about (and is that a wedding ring on her finger?), the idea of a girl fucking another girl gets me all hot and bothered.

Part 2 of the hot lesbian action is even better than the first section, with different angles and a more whack-worthy performances from the girls.

I realize that some of you may be bored with the typical porn content that you see on various websites. So, in the interest of keeping things fresh, I present to you free porn in the form of “Fuck That Big Slut”. Like the title implies, a rather meaty whore is being banged. For the porn connoisseur, there’s a little bit of everything in this video (including Sideshow Bob hair, if you’re into that. Hey, whatever! I’m not here to judge!).

For example, there’s the interracial angle. Specifically, there’s a white guy with a small dick doing a black chick with a rather large hooha (a nice change from the standard white girl being gang banged by big black dongs). Also, this girl is no less than a size MASSIVE. For those of you into big, floppy boobs, fast forward to :38 into the segment for a spanktacular showing by some of the most giggly tits I’ve ever seen.

I’m a pretty big fan of the Bubba the Love Sponge Show on Sirius, and a few weeks back they interviewed some hillbillies from some backwoods flyover state about bangin’ young ‘uns. All the hillbillies kept saying was “titties a-boucing!!!” It seriously cracked me up. (Maybe it’s one of those “you had to be there” kind of things?)

Anyway, watching this made me think of BTLS, because the titties, well…they were a-bouncing. Also, this video seems to be Free Smut Club’s first shot using the Grundle Cam (how do I trademark this exquisite name?). I mean, that camera guy had to get all up in that man’s maple bar to get the shot seen at :30 or so into the movie, and that’s not a position I envy.

Also, while the title of the video is “Sexy Girl Fucked Doggy Style”, I’d like to know what constitutes a “girl” to these people. You don’t really get a good look at her face until the cum shot at the end (thankfully!), but I swear she looks exactly like the bitchy PTA mom that lives down the street from me. Knowing that dirty slut, it probably is her. Well! The economy’s all bad and stuff and a guy like me can dream, can’t he?!

Remember the girl with the nursing shoes? Turns out, her name is Rachel and the scene on the roof didn’t even show half of what really happened to her. If I’d have known that she was going to take it in the ass a few minutes after getting railed, I wouldn’t have given her such hell for her choice of footwear. I mean, I almost feel bad about it. Almost.

Truth be told, Rachel is turning out to be one of my favorite actresses. She has her clit pierced, which is fucking hot, has kind of an alternative/punk style about her and has a body that I’d kill my own mother to get with. As an added bonus, she takes it in every hole! Does it get any better than that?

Click here to watch Part 2 of the video, which includes a hot and sticky facial.

What’s better than Two Girls, One Cup? Well, just about anything. However, this video is one of the best I’ve seen in awhile from the guys at Free Smut Club. Sure, the blonde looks like she smokes crack for breakfast. But who cares? Check out the brunette behind her, operating the toy! She looks young enough to actually be in high school (although 18, of course. Gotta keep the Feds at bay!), plus she’s got a face that I don’t want to immediately cover with a paper bag.

She even plays with herself a little while working on the blonde. Hott!.

Upon further investigation, Part 1 of the video shows more of the brunette in all of her glory. Turns out, her pussy is just as perfect as the rest of her. I’m going to be keeping an eye out for more of her work, and once I find it I’ll be sure to share.

One of my biggest pet peeves in porn (see what I did there, with the alliteration and everything? Next week I’ll try to sneak in some onomatopoeia!) is awful music in the background. One of the bigger offenders I’ve ever encountered is in my previous post. In this one, however, straight moaning and slapping is all you hear.

To her credit, this starlet seems to have some really big, really natural boobs. So big and so natural, in fact, that they flop all over the place, as noted by the sunglasses-wearing actor at 1:10. Unfortunately, her tits are about all she has going for her. Overall, between her methface and belly (did she give birth before the shoot?) she doesn’t do much for me. But, you know, she might for you. So check out the video and enjoy, if you can.

Far be it from me to criticize a girl’s choice in footwear, but I’m pretty sure I saw those shoes on a fat nurse waiting at a bus stop in Milwaukee. Knee high white socks? Hot. Orthopedic mall walkers? DO NOT WANT! Also, is that a rose tattoo on the dude’s thigh? What kind of tool asshole gets a rose tattoo?

Other than that, the chick is pretty hot in a punk sort of way. I’m pretty sure she has her clit pierced, which works for me. The scenery is pretty sweet once she starts in on the reverse cowgirl action, was it filmed by the HOLLYWOOD sign up on the hills?

I’m beginning to think that I may not need my pension after all. Why draw from Social Security when I can skull fuck hot teenaged blondes for a living? Sure, the dude in the video is probably old enough to be my grandpa, but he’s certainly teaching me a thing or two about how to score in my golden years.

Not only is he still getting head at the ripe old age of 157, but he’s getting it from one of the hotter girls I’ve seen this week. Her tits are spectacular, all natural (which I prefer to rock-solid fake ones) and her nipples almost perfect enough to convince me that God exists.

Here’s what I like about this video: first and foremost, this Julia chick is pretty hot. Unlike a lot of porn skanks that have fake yellow hair, pounds of eye make up and stripper shoes that seem to weigh more than they do, you can tell Julia’s got class. She’s genuinely pretty in the face, as you can see early on in the video, and could even pass as the girl next door. (Of course, not any girl I’ve ever lived next door to.)

She starts out with a pretty sweet blow job, giving us a great view of her awesome ass, while the dude fingers her from behind. From there, this hot teen rides the guy from behind while talking dirty and moaning.

Watch as this young and horny teen blonde slut sucks and her fucks her way to a mouthful!