I always wondered how trailer park bitches can afford to get boob jobs, while I have a hard time maintaining my booze habit. Well, I finally figured it out: the get into homemade porn like this slut did. Obviously, the title of this post kind of says it all…she’s got a bad boob job, a c-section scar and probably a nasty case of the clap. I was looking around for tampon strings and track marks, but wasn’t able to find any.

One of the more subtle pieces of hilarity in this film is the fact that the leather couch kind of looks like the ass of a fat black chick. Seriously, take a gander at it while it’s paused at the beginning. Classic!

HELL YES!!! Now this is what I’m talking about. These two couples going at it on the beach is some of the hottest shit I’ve seen all week. In fact, I might even like this a little better than the two hot and sexy schoolgirls that I posted yesterday and the day before. Yeah, I said it. Group sex is hot!

The music is super cheesy (it’s porn, what else would you expect?), but other than that this is an A+ effort by all. I’ve never seen a position like that pulled off. In fact, I don’t think that even has a name. Hmmm…I’m thinking of calling it the “inverted tabletop”, although I’m open to other suggestions.

Tomorrow I’ll bring you Part II of this tour de awesome, so feel free to start getting excited in 3, 2, 1…

HELL YES! Now this is what I like to see on a lazy Sunday: two hot school girls going at it by the pool. And when I say “going at it”, I really mean it. You can tell that these two chicks aren’t faking the lesbian thing. They get into really deep kissing, which I’m sure I don’t need to tell you is hot, and follow it up with a quick game of “Who Can Get Naked First?”

The girl with the short dark hair is going to be the main focus of several of my masturbatory fantasies for years to come, I can tell you that much. Holy shit, do you see her body? It’s by far one of the best I’ve ever seen. Ever. Next up, I’ll post part two!

You know what I love? Asian sluts. You know what I love even more? Hot Asian sluts. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. And you know who kicks ass in the hot Asian slut category? The chick in the video above.

Here, the Hot Asian Slut is seen in her native habitat: the abandoned parking lot. This reminds me of one time in high school, when a girl I was dating totally blew me in a dark church parking lot. When I say “dating”, I mean “took out to coffee once, because she was kind of chubby and had low self esteem, so I knew she’d be easy”. Ah, those were the days.

Here’s another one for you kinky fetishists out there who like stuff that’s a little off the beaten path. In this video, Cherrie plays with her underwear, giving herself what can only be described as a “full frontal wedgie”. I mean, can you think of anything else to call it? The sound is practically non-existent, so I can’t really even tell if she’s getting off or not. I’d like to think that she is, though.

Early on into the video, it looks like her hoo ha is eating her underwear, you can’t really even see it at some points. Overall, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give this film a “that’s fucking hot!” Her face is really pretty, her teeth are perfect and you can tell that this is one chick who will do just about anything.

Now THIS is what I like to see: a chick really go to town on a blow job. Sure, the bitch is like, 45 years old, but who cares? With that kind of age comes this kind of experience. You can actually see the cock push out the side of her cheek. HOT!

The producers seem to have named this girl “Count Suckula”, and you can totally tell why. I’m not sure what the goth angle on this was for, but it kind of works. I haven’t ever seen a girl give a guy head while wearing elbow-length gloves, and it’s pretty sexy. I’m sure there are like, thousands of fetish fiends out there who have been waiting for this kind of stuff to hit the big time, and now it finally has. Woo Hoo!

Now this is something you don’t see every day, and I LOVE it. In this porno, the actress actually films herself while going down (and doing other dirty things) with the dude. The results are absolutely spectacular. For one, she’s super hot. I also love the headband, and can’t quite figure out why it gets me all tingly down below. All in all, this chick is the nymphette of my dreams, and I’m pretty sure I might be in love with her.

Why can’t I find girls like this? Whenever I troll for poon, the hags I end up taking home are never this adventurous. In fact, I’m lucky if I can even get a half-hearted blow job before the real action begins.

This is ridiculous, and more than a little hilarious. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted some milf-ey goodness, and this piece of cinematic gold takes the cake. This whore starts out the film by whipping out a Zack Morris phone, straight off of the Saved By The Bell set. Next, she dials a phone number. Which phone number, you ask? Why, none other than 1-800-GANGSTA-BANG!!!

Once she places the call and asks for the “toughest ones you got. What time are you coming with the drive by?”, the plot thickens. You see, she doesn’t just get one or two homeboys. She gets four thugs to fill her to the brim with ghetto cock. It’s awesome. It’s amazing. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before (okay, that last one was a lie).

So, here it is. Enjoy. Special thanks to Rob K. for being on top of all of the hottest black dong on the ‘net and sending this little gem my way.

Sweet Jesus and holy hell, this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen (at least since last week’s post with the lens switching). I’m going to go ahead and admit something that I’ll probably never live down: I have a secret love for watching QVC at night. Why? Because I can’t get enough of those old hags pitching me Quacker Factory sweaters and cheesy fake diamond jewelry. Every once in awhile, a caller will come along and totally make my night, like this dude.

Special thanks to Norm the porn ninja, who is always on the lookout for filth.

Yesterday I told ya’ll that the next video I posted would have some ATM action in it. In case you aren’t familiar with ATM, check out the video I’ve embedded above (I absolutely refuse to describe it myself, since I have to go home and hang out with my grandparents in a couple of hours).

At first, I thought the Heidi-looking chick had a third nipple. I got really excited, since the last time I saw a third nipple was in high school while watching Mallrats. Upon further inspection, however, it appears as though it’s just your standard trashy rose tattoo. Sorry to get your hopes up.